Government handout for everyone!

Peter Wu

7 March 2011

A sense of euphoria has descended on HK like snow has descended in Toronto a couple of months ago. People are abuzz with excitement about the impending $6k windfall. They not only walk with a spring in their steps, they are walking on air.

Newspapers are ablazed with adverts all intent on relieving the recipients of the $6K windfall - special deals on meals, tours, consumer electronics. You name it.

However lurking below this euphoria are some worrying psychiatric conditions not previously observed anywhere. And they are all attributed to the condition of ‘pre-maturity’.

Since the announcement was made, public hospitals and GPs surgeries in HK are in-undated with people seeking treatment with these conditions:

Premature altercation – Even before the money is handed out, a public spat has broken out between the Po Leung Kuk and the Red Cross as to who should get a bigger share of the unclaimed money. Unclaimed money? In HK? You must be joking!

Premature anticipation – The feeling of wishing to lay the hands on the money now, instead of at some future date. Symptoms are endless hand wringing, and the pacing back and forth in an area ceaselessly, like a caged tiger.

Premature ejection – The act of being ejected from the IRD office for applicants whose valid applications for the money have been rejected but who refuse to leave. This is not to be confused with a condition known to affect some useless males.

Premature elation – The symptoms are that people are grinning from ear-to-ear, and some are laughing all the way to the banks. They haven’t got the money yet but they are over the moon.

Premature perspiration – Profuse (cold) sweating caused not by physical exertion, but by the excitement of receiving an imminent windfall. This happens to people who do not sweat easily.

Premature rejection – The feeling of dejection when a valid application for the money is prematurely rejected by the IRD.

Premature shivering – A wild out-break of shivering has broken out in HK. This is an age-old cultural problem affecting the Chinese. The thought of money causes uncontrolled shivering. There is no cure. The Cantonese call it 發錢寒.

This upcoming distribution of the public fund is causing more public psychological harm than good. It could well be this is the one and only time such surpluses are to be distributed.